


to lee jeno; my soulmate

by hazyjaem



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Past Character Death, deceased lover, jaemin’s letter to jeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 00:50:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20939555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazyjaem/pseuds/hazyjaem
Summary: jaemin took jeno’s death very hard, and as a way to heal, he writes his deceased fiancé a letter.





	1. letter 1; 6 months

**Author's Note:**

> as a compensation for not updating my au, and i’ve just been wanting to write this for a while, so i took the opportunity.

_ “six months. _

_ it’s been six months since i lost you. i can’t even begin to describe the immense pain that came with it. _

_ i don’t know how to move forward. i don’t know how to move past it, how to heal, how to move on. i don’t think there is any moving on from someone like you, you’re my soulmate, after all, the love of my life. _

_ i remember when we first met, you entered the convenience store i was working at, buying a ridiculous amount of junk food, candy and sodas. you looked adorable in your oversized sweater, sweater paws and fluffy, disheveled hair. you came up to the counter with that breathtaking eye smile of yours, and i knew in that moment, that it was game over, i needed to make you mine. i asked about the snacks, asking if you were having a party, and you blushed while explaining that no, you were in fact not, you just wanted a lot of snacks. when you were about to leave after paying, you suddenly turned around and asked me when my shift ended, inviting me to your apartment to eat the snacks, and i would be a cool to decline. so i told you when my shift ended and you decided to wait with me in the store. we talked, a lot, so much that i didn’t even notice when the lady wanted to pay. when my shift ended, we went to your apartment a few blocks away. we clicked right away, it was like we’d known each other for years. we watched movies for hours, and we managed to finish all the snacks and sodas you bought, which i still can’t believe. _

_ i was so lucky to meet you that day, five years ago. _

_ hey, remember that one day, during winter? i think it was three years ago, there was a foot and a half of fresh snow outside, and you so badly wanted to go out and make snow angels, so that’s what we did, because i could never say no to you. so we dressed warmly and drove to some open field, and just started making a bunch of snow angels, we even made a few snowmen, and after many hours we went home and cuddled up in front of the fireplace in our pajamas while drinking hot chocolate. it’s one of my favorite memories with you, cause that day, it was like nothing else existed, just you and me. _

_ another memory that i treasure dearly is when you took care of me when i was drunk off my ass that one night last year. we had fought earlier that day, which was why i was so drunk, because i felt awful about it, and despite that fight, you still sat beside me while i was puking my guts out, you still helped me shower, you still helped me get my pajamas on and brush my hair. you’ve always been selfless, sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. the next morning you’d made me breakfast in bed, and given me some aspirin for the hangover. i cried at that, because i knew i didn’t deserve you or your kindness. i cried as i apologized for the previous day, for being so horrible to you, and you just looked at me with those loving eyes, like i was the eighth wonder of the world. you cupped my face as you told me that i was the love of your life, and that there was nothing i could do or say to ever make you leave me. that made me cry even harder, and you wrapped your arms around me and held me tight, rubbing your hand over my back. you moved the tray to the nightstand and we laid down, holding each other close with our foreheads pressed together. i whispered for you to ‘guess what’, when you asked what, i told you i loved you, like i had done a thousand times before, and you acted like it was the first time you heard it in your whole life, gasping loudly as you put your hand over your mouth dramatically. we both laughed at it, and when we calmed down we went back to pressing our faces together, falling back into deep slumber, ignoring the world. _

_ i can never thank you enough for the way you’ve been there for me, and for the way you’ve loved me. you make me want to be a better person, to always try to help people, to be the best me i could possibly be. _

_ i remember one time, a few months after we started dating, we were both feeling extra affectionate, and so we slow danced in the middle of my livingroom, even though we had not music playing. my hands were wrapped around your neck, and your arms were wrapped tightly around me waist. that night was the first time i told you that i love you, and it was the first time you told me that you love me too, and i don’t think i’ve ever been that happy in my life, except when i asked you to marry me, and you looked at me in shock as you pulled out a velvet box in the exact same color as the one i was holding. we looked at each other and laughed as we each slid the rings onto each other’s fingers. _

_ you’re my soulmate, the love of my life, i’ll never be able to love anyone the way i love you, and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to move on from you, but i know that you wouldn’t want me to cut myself off from the world, you’d want me to go out there and see the world, meet new people and do all the things we didn’t get to do together, and i will, one day, but it’s still too soon. _

_ i wish you’d never gotten sick, or at least that you would be able to beat it. _

_ i’m writing this letter not only to let you know how much i miss you, but also for myself, so that i can begin to heal, cause i know that’s what you would’ve wanted me to do. _

_ you lived a great life, my sweet jeno, and you left me with many great memories, and i know you’re watching over me in this very moment. _

_ rest well, will you, my love? i want you to be well-rested once we reunite in the future, because i know you will be waiting for me, just how i would have waited for you. _

_ i love you, always._

_ forever yours,_

_ Na Jaemin ♡”_


	2. letter 2; 9 months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin updates jeno on what’s been going on since he died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so originally it was just gonna be the first letter, but i then realized that this could be a series with jaemin just updating jeno on what’s happened in his life, so i decided that, why not do that?

_ “hello, my love. _

_ it’s been three months since i wrote to you. jaehyun hyung has been nagging at me and forced me to leave the house to meet family, he thinks it can be good for me. he also forced me to see your parents. it was hard, seeing them, because they remind me so much of you, but it felt good, relieving, to know that they miss you just as much as i do. _

_ i’ve been seeing the guys more, too. jisungie and chenle still worry about me a lot, it’s very cute. donghyuck always tries to keep the mood lighthearted, even if he himself isn’t in the best mood, and mark hyung and renjun are trying to keep everyone together, always ready to cheer us up if someone seems down. _

_ oh! hyuckie and mark hyung are engaged! can you believe it? after 7 years they finally did it. it was really cute, mark proposed when we were all eating in that one cute diner that you love, maybe not the most romantic place, but it does hold a lot of meaning for the seven of us, so i’m guessing that hyuckie is happy anyways. _

_ injun met a boy, yukhei. they’ve been dating for two months now. he’s really nice, and the complete opposite of injunnie in every way, but i think that’s what makes them so good together, they complete each other, just like we did. _

_ jisungie and lele are still very much dating, cute as ever. sungie still gets shy when lele is affectionate with him in public, but lele has stopped worrying about it. they got an apartment together a few weeks ago, it’s really nice. very open, and bright, quite spacious, you’d love it, the kitchen and livingroom is just one big room, with a small set of stairs that lead to an upper level where they have their bedroom and the guest rooms. they also got a puppy! it’s adorable, it’s a samoyed, it reminds me of you. _

_ i’m still living in the apartment, i couldn’t bring myself to move out, but it’s getting lonely, such a big apartment for only one person, but we were gonna raise our family here, which was the only reason why we bought a two-story apartment in the first place. injunnie has offered to stay with me for a while, until i feel better, but i can’t ask him to do that, it’s too much, so instead he either always comes over anyways, or he drags me outside to do stuff. i appreciate his concern and efforts, truly, i’d forgotten how nice it was to be with them, how easily they make the pain bearable. _

_ jaehyun hyung and johnny hyung bought a house, so now they can raise minseo in their dream home. makes me thinking about the dreams and plans we had for our future, like how we were gonna adopt a baby boy, and move to a beautiful house in a smaller town, and how we were gonna adopt a kitten, which i did, actually, a month ago. her name is bongsik, and yes, it’s after your childhood cat. although we didn’t get her together, i’m still reminded of you when i look at her, and i love her so much, i think you would too.  _

_ your brother has been over a few times, to check up on me he claims, but i know it’s equally as much for himself, this place reminds him of you, it reminds me of you as well. taeyong hyung is doing well, by the way, he took your death as hard as the rest of us, if not even harder, because i know the two of you had a special brother bond. he and doyoung hyung have adopted their second child, jiwoo. she’s adorable, and taeyong hyung often brings her with him when he comes over. _

_ i remember that long discussion we had about children and how we wanted to go forward with it, and we settled with adoption because “the children who are already born but don’t have a home deserve a family too”, as you said, and you’re right, you always have been. i still want children, i still want children with  _ _ you _ _ , but you’re not here anymore. _

_ yuta hyung and winwin hyung got married! exciting, right? yuta hyung mentioned you in his speech, saying how even though you two weren’t related, you were like a brother to him, and how he hopes you’re in a better place now. he and winwin hyung later on came up to talk to me, asking me if i’m okay and how i’m doing, and told me that if i ever need anything, i can always call them, because i’m like a brother to them, too.  _

_ i saw taeil hyung and his wife at the wedding too, they seem to be doing well, she’s pregnant, i could see her belly, but no one else seemed to notice, and they told me to keep it a secret as they want to surprise everyone at the annual get-together. _

_ ten hyung and kun hyung still haven’t confessed to each other, can you believe? 4 years of pining and flirting and they still can’t see how in love the other is. _

_ jungwoo hyung is still traveling the world as the busy man he is, but he managed to make it to both your funeral and yuta hyungs and winwin hyungs wedding. he seems to be doing well, he seems happy, like he doesn’t need another person to make him happy, and it gives me hope, that one day, i can be happy on my own as well. _

_ hendery, xiaojun and yangyang came too! it was really nice to see them. hendery and yangyang are dating, can you believe it? i never saw it coming, but i’m really happy for them. and xiaojun has a girlfriend back in china, whom he seems to be very much in love with. _

_ the day after the wedding we all got together, yes, all twenty one of us, and had lunch, and then we went to visit your grave. it was nice to go all together, it felt like you were there with us, and it felt like the group was complete again. we just sat there for a while, reminiscing about all the things we did together, especially mark hyung, hyuckie and i, since we knew you the longest. it was nice, it was very relieving to talk about you, and about how it took a toll on us all, it made me feel less alone. _

_ i hope you’re doing well up there. you’re watching over me, over all of us, right? i’m glad you’re not sick anymore, even though it made me lose you. _

_ rest easy, my angel, and i’ll see you later. _

_ i love you, always. _

_ forever yours, _

_ Na Jaemin ♡” _


End file.
